Loneliness in Seniors and Connectivity

Last week I had the wonderful opportunity to present with two amazing women at North Orange County Senior Collaborative on the important topic of loneliness in seniors. I addressed how connectivity and our perceptions of connection can play a part in addressing loneliness. Here I hope to recap the presentation and continue spreading the information that is so valuable to our community.

First the bad news, people who are isolated and lonely:

• Have a higher risk of heart disease and stroke. More Information here.
• Are more vulnerable to metastatic cancer. More Information here.
• Are more likely to develop neurodegenerative disease including Alzheimers. More Information
• Are 25% more likely to die prematurely. More information here.
• Have a higher risk of elder abuse. More information here.
• Significant decline is self care. More Information here.
• have a weaker immune system making us more vulnerable to everything from the common cold to more deadly illnesses. More Information here.
• Have a higher risk of suicide. More information here.

So you are getting the picture right? Loneliness is not good. Notice I said above isolated AND lonely. People who live alone are not always lonely and people who live in community can still be lonely.  This has a lot to do with our personality, personal perspectives, relational needs and connectivity. Understanding your own needs and and how to fill them as well as being receptive to the unique needs of those around you can make connections more positive.

It has been said that we are the most connected and disconnected people in history. While I can skype or text with my dear family all over the world anytime I want I may have trouble making real connection with the person I share space with daily. We text instead of talking, shop, bank and date online. Everyone from 0-100 years old are adapting to a age of technology, and in that, grappling with how they are connecting to the humans in their world. I don’t think I need to throw statistics and research at you to argue that our older population is most affected by this new shift. While there are some technological benefits for seniors such as staying in touch via skype and text these advance can as likely create chasms in connection.   

And now to the good news, simply by educating ourselves and our community we can take steps towards addressing loneliness. There still needs to be action for it to count. Think about the ways you connect in your world and the missed opportunities in connection. What is one simple step you could take to connect with another person today? Who is someone you would like to connect with?

Our mindset as it pertains to connection plays a big part in the way we connect. As with many others things that make us beautifully complicated individuals, we all connect in different ways. Knowing how you connect and what your connection needs are can help you increase your connectivity and decrease loneliness for you and those you connect with. Here are some questions to ask your self to start thinking through your connectivity mindset.

• In what ways do I connect?  Most people connect mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually, what is most valuable to you?
• Who do I most want to connect with? you don’t have to connect with toxic people for the sake of connectivity, the energy you are able to save can help you find and connect with healthy people.
• What is one small thing I can do to increase connectivity?
• Does technology make me feel more or less connected?
• What negative or distorted thoughts are contributing to my isolation? For example do I keep myself from talking to people because I have convinced myself they won’t like me?
• Is it time to reconsider my living arrangement? Is my house too big and lonely? Would living in a community be better for me?
• What do I really need from others?  (make a plan to ask for it)
• What am I doing to connect genuinely with people?
• What or who am I grateful for right now?  Focusing on what you are grateful for, even when alone and grieving, can open you to joy and allow you to start to feel less lonely.

And now for action -

Today you can begin to decrease loneliness in your life or in the lives of those around you. Now that you have thought through what you, yourself need to connect here are a few suggestions. (They are not for everyone but a prompt to get yourself thinking through what you need).

• Take a class
• Join a group or club
• Think about your living situation
• Volunteer
• Mindfulness
• Complement others
• Make small talk
• Go for a walk
• Call, email or write a letter
• Journal
• Make art
• Do puzzles
• Fill your calendar
• Smile at some one
• Hug some one
• Look someone in the eye
• Ask a question
• Make a meal for someone
• Take a meal to someone

Lastly a few resources that can also be helpful in making connections.

Volunteer directory
Senior center OC and LA
Caregiver support at ALZOC and Alzheimers association
Southern California Council on Aging
Senior Serve

I will also be posting connectivity encouragement on my facebook through June so like my page to get prompts through May. I'd love to hear how you are connecting with those around you.